saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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