she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
