I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
