So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
