She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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