He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
