oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
