I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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