Moan for me like Helen Keller
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
