Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
