I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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