Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
