First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
