Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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