hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
