Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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