Im at strip club and am horny
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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