do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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