Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
