we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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