I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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