I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
