My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
