I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
