Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
