In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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