This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I have feelings that need drinking.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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