Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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