my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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