Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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