i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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