I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
