Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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