I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
