i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
