I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
