I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My ass is underappreciated
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
