he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Randomize
