you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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