Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Sorry about my life...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
