I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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