Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
