I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
