my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
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your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
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You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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