Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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