So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
