What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
