If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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