This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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