im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
