Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
