and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
