What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
