she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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