whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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