Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
