My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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