I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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