oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
