if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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