so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
