So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
