he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
