if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
