I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It's never too late to be topless.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
