help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
