what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
