too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
