If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
