he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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