Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
